I’ve been a pretty lousy blogger. I just haven’t really known what to say. Today marks a year of waiting. Obviously, it has been hard. I told someone that I felt like I had a year of Lent, not 40 days. But, I would do it all over again. As we approach Easter Sunday, I am reminded who I find my strength in. I will stand firm in His resurrection, I will rest in His promise that we are not alone, I will find comfort in His grace and love. And I will wait as long as it takes to bring her home.
8 months and Advent
December 24, 2010A little over a year ago, I made my first blog entry on this very beach. At the time we had no clue we’d be semi-living here, and not in my wildest dreams did I think we’d still be waiting for a referral.
But, here we are….watching the waves crash, enjoying the warm weather, having mashed plantains instead of mashed potatoes, and still dreaming of our little girl.
It seems fitting our waiting is coming to an end (we hope) during the Advent season. It wasn’t so long ago I learned Advent means “coming”, so we wait with expectation for what’s to come. My heart has ached with anticipation of this little girl, and my need for her to be here.
To be honest, I’m ashamed. In my own desire, my own need, my own want. In my anticipation and hope. I have conveniently forgotten the heartbreak, the hunger, the pain of another mother, thousands of miles away, whom during the coming of her own child realized she couldn’t care for her.
And if I was truly transparent, I would tell you, that during my selfish yearning and desire. I haven’t really let my head think of THE mother, who waited for THE child to come. A woman, not to far from where my little girl waits. Who braved judgement and the elements, to give birth to a child. A Son, who would never be hers, but would be a Saviour to all.
So today I will enjoy my children, i will hold them tight. We will pray for a little girl, and her mother. We will sit tonight and reflect on their sacrifice. We will focus on hope, peace, joy, and love. Then we will eagerly antcipate Christ, as we wait for things to come.
The seasons of waiting……
November 13, 2010Friday makes seven months of waiting. Like many things, spring marked the beginning for us. The air was warming up, the wind was angry, and life was waking from a long winter nap. Our wait began with renewal and the beauty of things to come. We waited through the summer. With waves of heat, splashes of salt water, and lazy days. We dreamed of her through giggles and sandy toes and chalky sidewalks. The maple tree in my front yard tells me now it is fall. Its leaves burn orange and red. The air is growing cold, the days are shorter. Gone are the shouts of summer, my house is quiet from 8-2. We still wait. Soon, winter will be here with its cold breath putting everything back to sleep. The night will be still and silent, the stars will tell their majestic story. We will celebrate the birth of a Savior, and wait for the one He has given us.
SIX MONTHS!!!
October 26, 2010To be honest I can’t believe we have already hit the six month mark. I think 3 kids and Josh’s crazy schedule has helped the time fly. I must admit though, the grief of wanting her hits at the craziest times. Like when I was at the grocery store and I saw a little one snuggled to her momma, or when I met my two friends at Chic-fil-a and I had no little person at the table, when I was shopping with a friend at Target and found the sweetest dress, or late at night when I stalk blogs, or when I do the math and realize it will probably be Spring before she’s home. I appreciate the busyiness, it keeps me from checking out completely.
I am so very thankful for my friends who surround me and walk this road with me. Not only do they listen to me dream of this little girl, but they dream of her themselves. I pray that those that are on this adoption journey have a support system like I do.
Soooo, now that I am getting close to the coveted 7-8 months, I must admit I am getting anxious for the call. I have given my crew a code that will be texted to them. I have a contingency plan in place if Josh is in Puerto Rico, I have the pediatrician prepared to review files…..some come on 817 give me a ring!!!
Toddlers, Toddlers everywhere….
September 8, 2010Today was our first Africa adoption get together since the Spring. It was so fun to catch up with all the other Mommies, and see all the kids. I have to be very honest though, I am worn out. I haven’t had a little one at home for a very long time….I mean VERY LONG TIME.
So, it made my heart skip a little faster. To sit and realize the magnitude of how our lives are going to change. No more popping into the grocery store, no more impromptu lunches, no more naps at will, no more peaceful days at home, dealing with temper tantrums, having to take potty breaks, cutting of food, messy hands, messy sand boxes, swing pushing, juice spilling, knee scraping, no toy sharing…..the list goes on and on.
But, when I watched these little ones, and sat and thought about her, here is what I dream of: chubby hand holding, sweet snuggles, funny faces, jumbled words, the trust of a child, unconditional love, the amazement of something new, earning her trust, knowing some think we saved her (but really she will save us), big brothers and sister caring for their little one, zerberts, giggles, bubble baths, bows….How could I ever second guess myself?
So, for the next 5/6 months or so I am going to enjoy this time before she gets here, but when my life changes I know it will be for far more and far better things than I could ever imagine.
Wishing for an endless summer…..
August 11, 2010As I type this, I have 3 kids peacefully sleeping. It makes me sad to think in 8 days my house will be bustling to get out the door to make it to school on time. I love summer, and the carefree schedule we have. This summer has been easy and hard, slow and fast, hot and well hotter, and I hate to see it slipping through my hands. I want to grab that last fleeting moment, hour, minute, second and not let it slip away.
We started the first 5 weeks of summer in Puerto Rico. It was a very different life for me. I had no car, no friends, no dishwasher (hmmm, not sure which is worse). I did have intentional time with my kids, I watched my husband grow, and I learned I could survive without all the “bells and whistles”. Of course, perhaps I was a little swayed, it’s hard to truly suffer while you’re on the beach! We had visitors for a week, Josh’s mom and dad came in. Orion, in typical teenage fashion, blew in and blew out for 2 weeks. We did a lot of amazing things, we relaxed, we just enjoyed a slower life.
The kids and I came home on July 9th, and the marathon began. The 3 kids did 3 different camps, in 3 different states. Josh had to stay in San Juan until August, so I was on my own. Did I survive, yes. Did I do it gracefully, not so sure about that. I definitely miss the slowness of the island, I feel like these last 5 weeks have been like trying to hold water in your hands….impossible.
In this whirlwind of a summer, the 5 of us have only been together 2 weeks. I am ready to have my family whole again. Tomorrow ends 5 weeks of being seperated from Josh. We are being trained on the art of waiting, as we wait to be together, as we wait for our girl in Africa. I am reminded of this verse ” But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:25. That was what this summer is about, hoping for what is to come, but doing it with grace. Who says you only learn lessons in the fall? So, I continue to hold to that verse and try to be as patient as I can. As I wait for the small things, and the big.
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- Orion in San Juan
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- rare moment of all 5 of us together
This ones for Mollie
August 10, 2010I know, I know I haven’t updated my blog. The reality of life has gotten to me. I’ll post more on our summer adventures, but I wanted to say how thankful I am for my sweet friends who encourage me (and challenge me to update)!!! 4 months are sneaking up….still waiting, but glad the time is flying by.
ONE is the loneliest number…….
May 19, 2010Well, today marks a milestone in our adoption process. We have officially waited one month. Now, I know it seems like so much longer…..all those months spent on the paperchase, but ONE it is. One is very lonely, it is looking for a few months to stand with (you know two, three, and four). Anything to get us closer to the magic number of FIVE and SIX (which is what Gladney is estimating for our wait). Those numbers seem to be happy.
While we wait, our family has had some pretty crazy opportunities placed in front of us. We will be spending the next 12-18 months between here and Puerto Rico for Josh’s job. Sounds exciting, huh? The kids and I will join Josh when they are out of school. When we are in school, Josh will split his time between here and there. We wouldn’t have taken a vacation this year (with the 2 trip policy that cancelled any plans), so it is a HUGE blessing to have this opportunity. I hope the excitement will help the wait time fly by. I know our family will make some incredible memories, and I pray that we have our sweet girl home before the time has ended.
We (which really translates into I) are trying not to will away the time in order to get to her. Trying to remain present is hard sometimes. But, try is what I’ll do. Loving the life that I have, and dreaming of the life that will be. ONE step at a time.
Wait List!!!
April 20, 2010We are on the official wait list! Our dossier has been forwarded to Washington, D.C. and then on to Ethiopia! The email we received last night stated the wait was still approximately 5 months (we are preparing ourselves for much longer). Can’t believe we have finally reached this point! Not that I want to wish our time away, but I’ve never looked so forward to fall!
